Comments on: Not Getting Married Today–When Should Young Modern Orthodox Jews Get Hitched?

By: Marriage: An introduction | False Dichotomies

Marriage: An introduction | False Dichotomies — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 18:03:27 +0000

[...] at South Jerusalem, Haim Watzman is worried about the current status of marriage in the Modern Orthodox community: [...]

By: chanie

chanie — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 09:39:06 +0000

i’m surprised that all the panellists all gave the same answer. i wonder if they have thought about all the implications of this, and why they would reject various approaches. obviously, not a simple issue, which is why giving a simple answer seems to me to be, well, simplistic.

By: aliyah06

aliyah06 — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 19:13:34 +0000

Either choice is tough on women — I delayed marriage to finish law school — and found out that there were not a lot of unmarried Jewish men available. I married a man who was divorced with children, so there you go–you can go the full educational route, have a smaller family plus all the problems of stepchildren and ex-wives, OR marry younger, have your own family and struggle through the problems together–and hopefully make it a success.

Nothing is easy.

By: ck

ck — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 18:49:51 +0000

The Srugim picture you used to illustrate this post shows Amir and Reut. In this scene, Reut who is a secular accountant, pretended to be Amir’s religious wife so that Amir wouldn’t get fired from his job at a religious girls’ school. Amir’s employers did not know that he had gotten divorced and the policy at the school is not to hire unmarried men.

In any case, even though some Rabbis have banned their followers from watching Srugim, it does demonstrate that single life and love in the dati leumi (Zionist-Religious) crowd in Israel is… complicated. Though they sure do go on a lot of dates. Or “date-im” as they call them.

By: Rachel Stern

Rachel Stern — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:51:22 +0000

Well…When I was growing up I basically was taught to have the same expectations: HS, College, Marriage, kids, etc. — in that order. That I did not follow that trajectory is another story. However.

I am married, (second marriage, 5 kids between us, all from previous marriages). Our 2 oldest daughters both went to Israel for a Shana B’Aretz, stayed and made aliyah, then in SHORT order, met and married. One is a mother now the other is on her way to becoming one. Both are attending school full time — one at Machon Tal the other at Bar Ilan U (if it actually OPENS this year, yet another story!). Will their lives be easy? No. BUT. YET. They are YOUNG. And I DO remember being young. When one is young, one is stronger, and usually has more endurance. It is easier for young kids to deal with harshness than for older more set in their ways adults to do the same. I think age is in their favor to marry young, and deal with the harshness of life trying to do and have everything. Eventually, the harshness gives way, life gets a bit easier — and by then they have learned more wisdom than they will ever get learning Talmud!

We taught all our girls (all five of them) that love is a choice, an active choice. We taught them that marriage is an act of compassion and compromise. I think they will all be just fine…

By: Conservative apikoris

Conservative apikoris — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 23:25:10 +0000

I married my first wife at the age of 22, right after I graduated from college. Then we spent 3 years in grad school together (different subjects). Surprisingly, we actually got to see quite a bit of each other on a regular basis, even though we were both full-time grad students. Then I hit the “real world” at age 25, and my job required me to travel quite a bit, which I think put some stress on the marriage. My wife took several years to start a career, and when she did, she dumped me.

I did much better with my second wife, who I married at age 36. We had a couple of children, and are approaching our 20th anniversary. (I even worked part time on a PhD during the early years of the marriage [and the early years of Apikoris Juniorette's life] in addition to working full time.

So count me as one who is a strong advocate of delaying marriage. If anything needs to be put off, I would suggest the advanced-level Torah study (except for the few who show the talent and interest to have remunerative careers in Jewish scholarship.) Why the rush to become a talmid hacham? You can wait until retirement, with maybe some short-term experiences in the meantime to whet the appetite.

By: seefweetz

seefweetz — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 22:12:38 +0000

Mainly because of the Haredim, Israel hasn’t had to worry about the birth dearth that’s plaguing European countries. Similarly, principally because of the Hispanic influx, the U.S. hasn’t had to worry either. But ultimately, these things do catch up to you. And Israel, tiny as it is (and defenseless as well in some scenarios) can ill afford to waive on growth in its Jewish population. None of this contradicts what Haim says. It just makes you think.