Ilana’s Eulogy for Niot, Six Years / הספדה של אילנה לנאות אחרי 6 שנים

We stand here on a clear spring day, the sixth spring since you fell, as everything blooms. The buds are coming out on the citrus trees in our garden. Every year, when the fruit ripened, I would ask you to go down and pick clementines and oranges. You could reach fruit that was out of my grasp.

It is hard to accept that you are not here with us. In recent years we have represented you at the weddings of your friends. At every wedding we see the circles of friendship whose moving force is actually you. And I imagine how different life would look if you were still here with your big smile, good heart, and your special ability to accept life in an uncomplicated and direct way.

Memories: You came to me in the kitchen, pondering out loud. A girl had captured your heart and you were wondering what to do. Your eyes were sparkling and good. I said to you: Tell her what you feel. And you were so happy and you surrounded me with so much love.

And I remember your strong back when you sat in the dining room with the computer during the time you were at home on medical leave, and I didn’t know that those were my last days with you.

But I want to tell you about all the good that you still accomplish in the world. Abba dedicated his new book to you. And there is much joy from your brother and sisters. Mizmor is making a life commitment with Shaked, and I’m certain that you would really like Shaked. Asor and Adi are doing well in their studies. Misgav returned from a long road trip in the United States, during which she saw and learned a great deal. They all give us a lot of joy, even if that joy is never whole because you are not with us.

About a month ago we attended a meeting of the coordinators of the Niot Project, which we helped establish in your memory. Today, the name Niot is known to many students who receive extra help in their studies because of with inspiration from you. The coordinators we met are devoted, very sensitive to their students, and very much value your legacy.

Everything I do today is actually thanks to you. I have learned what it is to give with one’s whole heart and unconditionally, and I carry that out in my volunteer work. I see you before me in everything I do. You are the flower in my garden when I go out to tend the planters on the balcony. I feel that you are so close there.

Thanks to you we have also made new friends who are our partners on our journey. In June I will go to Poland in the framework of an IDF “Witnesses in Uniform” delegation. It is very important for me to do this difficult journey, one that you yourself did. In that, as in all my activity, I see my life intertwined with yours. You should know that the army, and the Golani Brigade in particular, which you lived so much and in which you were so proud to serve, envelops us with love. In doing so, the army is giving back what you gave it—you were very sensitive to the needs of your fellow-soldiers. On Seder night six years ago, the last night you were with us, you made a point of saying that, as we sat at the table, there were soldiers guarding and going off on missions, and that it was important for us to remember that and mention them.

In all these ways, you cast a ray of light into our longing. In all these ways, we feel that you are still with us. My struggle to accept the void, the abyss that opened up when you left us, the difficulty of accepting that you completed your allotted time on earth in only twenty years, is very difficult. Understanding it is beyond me.

Only one small request. Come visit me in a dream. Inta omri.*

* Arabic for “You are my life,” the name of a famous song sung by Um Kulthum, and a term of endearment that Ilana and Niot used with each other.